Nic Warner's Leaders of Men podcast is built around a simple premise: masculinity needs better examples. Not louder voices. Not more theory. Men who are actually living what they teach.
In this episode, Nic and I go deep into what I consider the most important questions a man can sit with: What does it mean to be a being of consciousness? Why do we choose partners based on our wounding instead of our freedom? What is purpose, and how does it relate to the thing standing between you and absolute liberation? And, maybe the hardest question of all: how do you keep your heart open when life is doing everything it can to shut it down?
This conversation covers ground that most men's podcasts avoid. We talk about what it means to simply be a man, without the performance, the posturing, or the constant self-improvement loop that keeps so many men in their heads and out of their bodies. We talk about trusting life itself as a practice. And we talk about what it means to love the fact that you are going to die, and how sitting with that reality changes everything about how you show up in your relationship.
I also walk through the morning couples practice that Londin and I do together. It is simple. It does not require a retreat or a workshop. It is something any couple can begin tomorrow morning. The practice is described in full in Playing With Fire, and we practice it live with couples every month in the Couples Practice Evening through the Yoga of Intimacy.
Listen: Apple Podcasts
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Why do people choose partners based on wounding?
A: Most people unconsciously select partners who activate unresolved patterns from childhood: the need to be needed, the fear of abandonment, the compulsion to fix or be fixed. This creates relationships built on compensation rather than genuine polarity. Real intimacy begins when you start choosing from wholeness rather than lack.
Q: What is the relationship between purpose and intimate relationship?
A: Purpose is the thing standing between you and absolute freedom. When a man is clear in his purpose, his presence deepens. When his presence deepens, his capacity to hold his partner increases. Purpose and intimacy are not separate domains. They feed each other. A man without purpose tends to collapse into his relationship. A man with purpose brings the stillness and direction his partner can actually feel.
Q: How do you keep your heart open when your partner is difficult?
A: Keeping your heart open is not about being passive or agreeable. It is a practice of staying present to the pain, the frustration, and the disappointment without armoring against it. The Yoga of Intimacy teaches this through the Lower Triangle: Awareness (seeing clearly), Sensitivity (feeling fully), and Equanimity (remaining steady while feeling). These three capacities, practiced together, build the strength to stay open when everything in you wants to shut down.